The principle of allowing is particularly effective for dealing with strife and discord in relationships. I have seen over the years that successful couples embody the principle of allowing the other to be just as they are. Believing we can change the other to suit our ideas of the partner or relationship we want, is a prescription for disaster. So to avoid setting couples up for future strife, I take them through a practice of self observation, honest assessment of their beliefs and ideas, tools for communicating effectively, and making realistic agreements based on love and support, not need and illusory expectations.

In this practice we first review the territory of relationships. This means we begin with each person's ideas of what they expect of the relationship and the other person. This inventory is a powerful diagnostic tool for seeing the roots of conflict or disharmony.

Then we can begin to examine if these expectations are realistic or necessary to happiness. When I work with couples, which I have done for 25 years, I work with them jointly and individually. Once each person has done their own inventory and examination of the beliefs and ideas about the relationship and brought them into a realistic view, we can then sit down together and come to new, realistic agreements about the relationship.

Feel feel free to contact me by phone or email with your questions.